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silent grave? I wanted to pray for him, after the fashion of our people. Or
light candles and burn incense for him, as Ichiro and Chiyo had taught me in
Shigeru's house in Hagi. I thought of Jo-An going alone into the dark. What
would his people do without him?
ôDo you pray to anyone?ö I asked Yuki.
ôOf course,ö she said, surprised.
ôWho to?ö
ôThe Enlightened One, in all his forms. The gods of the mountain, the forest,
the river: all the old ones. This morning I took rice and flowers to the
shrine at the bridge to ask a blessing on our journey. I'm glad we're leaving
today after all. It's a good day for traveling: All the signs are favorable.ö
She looked at me as if she were thinking it all over, then shook her head.
ôDon't ask things like that. It makes you sound so different. No one else
would ask that.ö
ôNo one else has lived my life.ö
ôYou're one of the Tribe now. Try and behave like it.ö She took a small bag
from inside her sleeve and passed it to me. ôHere. Akio said to give you
these.ö
I opened it and felt inside, then tipped the contents out. Five juggler's
balls, smooth and firm, packed with rice grain, fell to the floor. Much as I
hated juggling, it was impossible not to pick them up and handle them. With
three in my right hand and two in my left, I stood up. The feel of the balls,
the actor's clothes, had already turned me into someone else.
ôYou are Minoru,ö Yuki said. ôThese would have been given to you by your
father. Akio is your older brother; I'm your sister.ö
ôWe don't look very alike,ö I said, tossing the balls up. ôWe will become
alike enough,ö Yuki replied. ôMy father said you could change your features to
some extent.ö
ôWhat happened to our father?ö Round and back the balls went, the circle, the
fountainà ôHe's dead.ö
ôConvenient.ö
She ignored me. ôWe're traveling to Matsue for the autumn festival. It will
take five or six days, depending on the weather. Arai still has men looking
for you, but the main search here is over. He has al-ready left for Inuyama.
We travel in the opposite direction. At night we have safe houses to go to.
But the road belongs to no one. If we meet any patrols, you'll have to prove
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who you are.ö
I dropped one of the balls and bent to retrieve it.
ôYou can't drop them,ö Yuki said. ôNo one of your age ever drops them. My
father also said you could impersonate well. Don't bring any of us into
danger.ö
We LEFT from the back entrance. Kenjis wife came out to bid us farewell. She
looked me over, checked my hair and clothes. ôI hope we meet again,ö she said.
ôBut, knowing your recklessness, I hardly expect it.ö
I bowed to her, saying nothing. Akio was already in the yard with a handcart
like the one I'd been bundled into in Inuyama. He told me to get inside and I
climbed in among the props and costumes. Yuki handed me my knife. I was
pleased to see it again and tucked it away inside my clothes.
Akio lifted the cart handles and began to push. I rocked through the town in
semidarkness, listening to its sounds and to the speech of the actors. I
recognized the voice of the other girl from Inuyama, Keiko. There was one
other man with us, too; I'd heard his voice in the house but had not set eyes
on him.
When we were well beyond the last houses, Akio stopped, opened the side of the
cart, and told me to get out. It was about the second half of the Hour of the
Goat and still very warm, despite the onset of autumn. Akio gleamed with
sweat. He had removed most of his clothes to push the cart. I could see how
strong he was. He was taller than me, and much more muscular. He went to drink
from the stream that ran beside the road and splashed water onto his head and
face. Yuki, Keiko, and the older man were squatting by the side of the road. I
would hardly have recognized any of them. They were completely transformed
into a troupe of actors making a precarious living from town to town, existing
on their wits and talents, always on the verge of starvation or crime.
The man gave me a grin, showing his missing teeth. His face was lean,
expressive, and slightly sinister. Keiko ignored me. Like Akio, she had
half-healed scars on one hand, from my knife.
I took a deep breath. Hot as it was, it was infinitely better than the room
I'd been shut up in and the stifling cart. Behind us lay the town of Yamagata,
the castle white against the mountains, which were still mostly green and
luxuriant, with splashes of color here and there where the leaves had started
to turn. The rice fields were turning gold too. It would soon be harvest time.
To the southwest I could see the steep slope of Terayama, but the roofs of the
temple were invisible behind the cedars. Beyond lay fold after fold of
mountains, turning blue in the distance, shimmering in the afternoon haze.
Silently I said farewell to Shigeru, reluctant to turn away and break my last
tie with him and with my life as one of the Otori.
Akio gave me a blow on the shoulder. ôStop dreaming like an imbecile,ö he
said, his voice changed into a rougher accent and dialect. ôIt's your turn to
push.ö
By the time evening came I'd conceived the deepest hatred possible for that
cart. It was heavy and unwieldy, blistering the hands and straining the back.
Pulling it uphill was bad enough, as the wheels caught in potholes and ruts
and it took all of us to get it free, but hanging on to it downhill was even
harder. I would happily have let go and sent it hurtling into the forest. I
thought longingly of my horse, Raku.
The older man, Kazuo, walked alongside me, helping me to adjust my accent and
telling me the words I needed to know in the private language of actors. Some
Kenji had already taught me, the dark street slang of the Tribe; some were new
to me. I mimicked him, as I'd mimicked Ichiro, my Otori teacher, in a very
different kind of learning, and tried to think myself into becoming Minoru.
Toward the end of the day, when the light was beginning to fade, we descended
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