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magic on Castan and change all his thoughts and desires, but that was a
violation Reghan would not commit.
Castan would be fine. The road he was on wouldn't be an easy one.
But Reghan never promised Castan he'd make his life easy. Of course,
he'd never counted on this. He'd never thought he would be obsessed
with a prince who wasn't quite a man and certainly not a boy. He'd never
thought he would long for another mortal. He'd never thought he would
tell anybody as beautiful as Castan that he wasn't interested. But then,
he never actually said that. He hadn't let Castan back him into saying
anything like that. Because the one thing he couldn't do was lie quite so
baldly. Not to Castan's face.
He just hoped that Castan didn't press the issue. He didn't think
the prince would. He had too much pride to risk it. The memory of
Reghan's rejection would sting him for a long time. Hopefully, when that
sting finally faded away, Castan would be more comfortable with his
duties. He would be more forgiving of Reghan's duties. One day he hoped
to serve Castan as his advisor, and he hoped to serve the king well, but
he couldn't do that if he was weak now.
* * * *
Castan thought he might throw up. He hadn't eaten anything that
morning, so he wasn't sure why his stomach was churning quite so
dramatically, but it felt like it was trying to push its way up through his
chest and out of his mouth. The last time Castan had thrown up, he was
eight. He was learning how to use the quarterstaff and got hit directly in
the stomach. The knight who'd delivered the blow, Bersules, immediately
dropped down to Castan's level and asked him if he was all right. Castan
remembered opening his mouth to inform Bersules that he was perfectly
fine, and then the contents of his stomach suddenly sprayed everywhere.
Reliving that memory didn't help the pain in his abdomen. Neither
did looking Áine, who was riding with her spine straight and her
attention locked straight ahead. Castan had tried three times since they
left the stables to draw Áine into conversation, but she was more
withdrawn than usual. She answered him politely, but with the fewest
words possible. The sun was shining and the air was heavy with summer
heat, but Castan felt a chill between them. It made the hair on the back
of his neck stand on end. A distinctly unpleasant sensation when paired
with the relentless agitation in his midsection.
Castan, don't ask. Don't ask it. Don't think it.
Reghan's words never left his head. He fell into a fitful sleep the
night before with the words on the front of his mind. He woke up that
morning with the same three, short sentences. He'd dreamed them all
night. He heard the words with each beat of his heart. They might have
been the source of his illness. Castan wasn't sure. He would absolutely
love to blame this all on Reghan, but that didn't seem entirely fair. He
was sure all of his problems didn't start and end with Reghan.
On the other hand, he was pretty sure they did. Hadn't he been
happy before he met Reghan? Hadn't he been resigned to his life, even if
he wasn't particularly looking forward to his marriage? As the years had
gone by with his betrothal hanging over his head like a sword, Castan
had always been certain that he would be able to do what he needed to
do, when he needed to do it. Now he was preparing to kiss Áine's sweet
mouth and he would rather take that blow from the quarterstaff directly
to his gut.
Castan had a mind for strategy, and this day was no exception. If
he was going to do this, he wanted to do it right. He thought they should
be away from the castle, and he knew the perfect clearing just an hour's
ride east. It was small and quiet, and while Castan didn't normally have
an eye for beauty, he was sure this spot was perfect for what he had
planned. He hoped being far away from the distractions of the castle
would put Áine at ease.
When they finally did reach the clearing, Castan's stomach twisted
more painfully than before. It must have been nerves, but it was nerves
unlike anything Castan had experienced before. Even when he led his
knights into that last battle, knowing Banbha was waiting for him,
knowing he was going to die, he hadn't felt like this. His own death was
easier to face, and he could not understand why. It had to be Reghan's
fault. It had to be.
Áine barely looked at the peaceful spot. She seemed intent on
riding through it and into the dark trees on the other side. How long
would she ride if Castan didn't stop her? Would she try to go all the way
back to her home that wasn't really her home at all anymore? Would she
try to go farther?
"Let's take a rest here," Castan said, surprised that his voice
sounded so normal. If he found a reflection of himself in a still pond, he
was certain it would look calm--he would look normal.
"Yes, my lord."
It didn't matter what Castan suggested, Áine always responded the
same way. Yes, my lord she would say, and then she would quietly do his
bidding. Her obedience should have pleased him. It would please any
man to know that his betrothed was docile and prepared to do whatever
she was told. But the listless way she responded to him did nothing to
warm his heart or sooth his stomach.
He dismounted first and then held her down from her mare. The
white horse was as docile as Áine. It wasn't even necessary to hobble her
in place. She would not leave her mistress's side. Castan appreciated
that sort of loyalty. Sometimes, he felt like he had more fondness for
Blancheflor than he did for Áine.
"This has always been a favorite spot of mine," Castan said as he
untied the blanket from the back of his saddle. He unrolled it beneath a
tall tree and took Áine's hand while she quietly settled on the soft
material. Gwen and the knights had stopped a respectable distance
away, giving the two of them privacy. Did they ever notice the lack of
intimacy between the prince and his lady? Did they ever comment on it
between themselves? Were they already the subjects of castle gossip?
Castan wouldn't doubt it, but he hadn't heard so much as a whisper.
"It's very beautiful," Áine agreed dutifully.
"As are you, my lady," Castan said in a rush.
She returned his compliment with a small, gracious smile. He
thought Reghan would appreciate this place. He imagined Reghan seated
peacefully on the blanket, absorbing the scents and sounds of the world
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